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| Welcome to Channel 5 Quahog News with Tom Tucker & Dianne Simmons 
Welcome to Quahog 5 News! Your anchors for Channel 5 News Quahog, Rhode Island are Tom and Dianne. Tom Tucker loves the bloody marys, has a "frigid old cow" for a wife, and an upside down-faced "freak" of a son. Dianne Simmons, besides being an anchor on Quahog 5 News, is also involved in theatre and she has her own talkshow. Tom and Dianne sometimes depend on asian reporter Trisha Takinowa for on the spot news coverage and interviews. Tom and Dianne barbequed and ate asian reporter Trisha Takinowa shortly after the Y2K apocolypse, but I think we will be seeing her again. Tom Tucker and Dianne Simmons join together to create one hell of a news program. Come in and enjoy Quahog 5 News.
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